It’s Friday, so let’s face it, you’re emotional. Enjoy this, the most emotional sketch ever made in sketch comedy. Doesn’t really get more emotional than this.
The Most Emotional Sketch Ever Made in Sketch Comedy
April 26
New Parenting Advice from Justin J. Johnson – “Morning Sickness”
March 18
Hey There Internet,
I hope you don’t mind that I lumped you all together like that, but hey, what do you want me to name each four of you reading this?! I don’t have time! C’mon guys, cool it! The Internet is a vast vast place full of weird weird people!
(But honestly, thanks Tim, Lisa, Chill, and Waverider for reading this.)
I don’t want to get too deep on you Internet, but…I’ve noticed that there are a huge majority of people in my life that are having babies! Yep, real life babies! Not dolls, but real baby breathing babies. Exciting huh? And, being the consummate businessman I am, I see a demand, and am willing to supply.
Supply parenting advice that is!
Every day I’m walking and people are like, “Justin, what should I do with my baby?” or “how do I deal with this baby thing?” And honestly, is there anyone better to give parenting advice than a dude who has no baby and has only held two babies in his life? I have no bias, no knowledge, no nothing. I’m a clean slate of advice! It’s like I didn’t even see the trailer for the movie, so I’m going in FRESH! Thusith, here we go!
First topic:
“Morning Sickness”
Man oh man. Ever had this happen? “I got a baby in my stomach, it’s the morning and I’m sick!” Yeah, we’ve all been there. Here’s something I find that helps. Simply imagine you’re on a boat. This is a double negative. The double sickness cancels out everything and you’re not sick anymore! BAM! EAZY PEEZY! (Please note, this goes for guys and gals involved in this pregnancy.)
Hope this helps, I find that it always does, but hey, my body is different than yours!
Stay tuned for more parenting advice!
Sincerely,
Knew Dad, No Dad
Engelbert Humperdinck Takes Over!
March 13
Last evening Engelbert Humperdinck decided to take over my Vine. Hypnotized and twisted.
Hypnotized by Engelbert Humperdinck. #Humperdinck vine.co/v/bdalhI0vq00
— justinjjohnson (@justinjjohnson) March 13, 2013
#Tornado #Humperdinck vine.co/v/bdWZMaB2Mjb
— justinjjohnson (@justinjjohnson) March 13, 2013
New Cartoon – History Repeats Itself
February 21
New Cartoon – History Repeats Itself by Justin J. Johnson
Gasp Aloud Out Loud!
February 12
Comedian Justin J. Johnson makes gross noises, sinus problems, new iPhones, breaking it to you, breaking it down, being below average, sneezing, and lovely attire.
TheJustinJohnsonShow.com/LIVE! TODAY at UCB at 5:30 PM!
January 21
Make a reservation, or just come on out. 5:30PM today! http://losangeles.ucbtheatre.com/shows/view/1693
Jesus Christ Drives a Mitsubishi Eclipse
January 17
Comedian Justin J. Johnson discusses what the spices of life are, why salt makes you stupid and what it is, mo money mo problems, and Jesus Christ driving a Mitsubishi Eclipse.
Baby Giraffe’s Love TheJustinJohnsonShow.com/LIVE! at UCB!
January 17
Come on out to UCB on Monday, January 21st at 5:30 PM! http://losangeles.ucbtheatre.com/shows/view/1693
Why Isn’t There a Splash Up Shield for Male Stand-up Urination on Regular Toilets?
January 16
If you haven’t been keeping tabs on all the fun/exciting/amazing things I’m doing, one of them is getting down to business. The business of getting weirdos from Yahoo! Answers to answer my life’s questions! This time I hit them with a hard one! Can they answer? Will they answer? Will you answer? Will I get an answer? Why do I say “answer” so much?
In any case, something about urinals has been bothering me. As you all know, I’m a clean gentleman! And as a clean gentleman, I hate it when stupid urinals try to make me look otherwise! You see, there’s a splash factor that comes into males using normal toilets with the seat up, and I’m determined to find out why we haven’t corrected that as a society. So, to find out, I took to the most reliable source of whackjobs, Yahoo! Answers.
Click on this link to see the actual question and hopefully answer (said it again!): http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Alh7fdkHGSQiBFxujEX1aSDsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20130115135254AA0lreR
If you don’t like links, or just don’t want to click on things, here’s what I asked:
Why Isn’t There a Splash Up Shield for Male Stand-up Urination on Regular Toilets?
Honestly, we’ve come to far as a race, and are too evolved for this to keep happening. When males urinate, there is a certain formula in which the height of the male, plus the speed of the urine, plus the shape of a toilet bowel that makes it impossible to not have some water/urine splash up on the bowl or even on the floor. Why hasn’t a shield or something of the like been invented?!?! OR has something been invented that I’m not aware of?
Jew Barrymore Live at iO West – 10:30 PM
January 14
Hey There! For those of you who are anxiously awaiting this evening’s LobsterDust show, I have some bad news. It’s not happening! Adam Karell is training for the Olympics, and won’t be able to attend. GOOD NEWS THOUGH! For the first time in over a year, Alexandra Fox will be sharing the stage with me in our two person show, Jew Barrymore! Come on out! It’s totally free and will definitely be a good show!