The RETURN of Rigor Tortoise

Well, well, well, Christmas come early, eh?  Rigor Tortoise is returning with a Chris Alvarado in tow. Come on out, check it out, be about it, do it, just do it, let’s do this, pick a phrase that indicates you coming on out to see this show and do it.

Link for tix below…but guess what? It’s free beautiful babies, so you don’t even need to buy a ticket!

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The Philosophical Shampoo Bottle

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Revelator Time – Watch It Babies

Listen, live your life however you see fit, but my advice is live it FULLY.  And if you’re living it fully, you’re probably taking advantage of every opportunity and you’re probably watching movies.  Lot of probably’s here.

My suggestion?  Watch this one.  Got to spend a solid day in the most terrifying building I’ve ever been in working on it.  Bones chilled.  Boners?  Chilled (in a cool way, get it?)


You need links?  GOT EM!
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The Too Pointed, Pointed Hat – Cartoon

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Justin’s Hamilton Lott-diary – August 18

Dear Hamilton Lott-Diary,

WHAT?!?!  Tone shift on the third post, are you kidding me?!?  Yeah.  Strap in, because this…is a wild ride.  Where was I?  Oh yeah, my Lott-Diary.  Why did I not win again Lott-Diary?

I’ve been good, heck, I’m even IFing!  What’s IFing?  Intermittent Fasting baby!  That sweet 16/8.  Trying to get my mind right so that I can win!!!  It wasn’t a great day Lott-Diary.  Today I had to audition, and my audition was me waking up.   I drove an hour there, an hour back, and spent 30 seconds waking up.  You know what that deserves?  $10 Hamilton tix baby!  Why am I using “baby” so much you ask Lott-Diary?  I honestly don’t know baby!  Ugh.  I did it again.

Don’t worry though, I entered again.  Twice.  2pm showing, and 8pm showing and I”m pretty flipping confident I’m gonna win!

So, until next time Lott-Diary…which will probably be the last time because I”m a winner BABY!

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Justin’s Hamilton Lott-diary – August 17

Bad news. I didn’t win. Got the word this morning shortly after my first post, didn’t even have the heart to update.

But, I did an Aaliyah. I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and I’m trying again. I mean, I’m writin’ you a four page letter, and I enclosed it with a kiss. THOSE are TWO Aaliyah references, and my hope is that your day makes it to three.

So, how am I feeling about this new entry? Pretty freakin’ solid. I had some cabbage for lunch (WHO DOES THAT) and I think I might have the strength of a million Popeye entries.

I was also recently reading that the Frankenstein dinosaur enigma was solved, so, if that ain’t a sign, I don’t know what is. Here’s to hoping my Thursday post ends with a here ye here ye, I just one ye.

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Justin’s Daily Hamilton Lott-diary – August 16th!

Wassup. Remember that? Did frogs say wassup? No, humans did…the frogs did the BUD. WEIS. ER. Who did wassup? If this were a sitcom, the group of humans who did “wassup” would say, “wassup, we did” and then exit frame. Solid. USE THAT HOLLYWOOD.

Anyway, here is an unnecessary daily update on how I’m feeling as I enter the Hamilton lottery for $10 tickets. Why? Because I have to get it out! It’s a roller coaster baby!

Quick history and re-cap.

History! (How appropriate…Hamilton…get it!)

Love Hamilton! Everyone does, don’t they? I do, you do, my wife has no clue but probably will. It’s the best. Did I download the soundtrack and listen over and over again? You betcha! I’m not a goddamn heathen.

BIG FAN! But…me ain’t got the cash to fork over…which is tough. So, what’s a fella to do? I’ll tell ya what? LOTTERY BABY!

Process! (How appropriate…Hamilton…get it! Neither do I)

The Hamilton ticket lottery is so easy! No more going to the Pantages early and waiting, you just gotta download an app baby! You click a button and boom. No more Hollywood Blvd., no more Hollywood Walk of Stars, no more Hollywood almost getting run over when you’re clearly walking across Hollywood Blvd. during the walk sign but some maniac Uber driver isn’t paying attention and you almost die! It’s just an app!

Re-cap! (How app—yeah, I don’t know why I’m trying to keep this going.)

So far I’ve entered three times, and guess what? Lost all three. But, that doesn’t have me down. Chumbawumba-by! (Come on Justin, really!)

So, what’s a boy to do?  ENTER AGAIN!  And let me tell you, that feeling, when you get the text that the lottery is open, ooo boy, does it feel good.  And honestly, I’m feeling good about my chances. ALSO, full disclosure, it’s for a Thursday, and if I bought these sweet baby tickets for four times my rent, I’d buy em for a Thursday.

So, here I am, waiting to see if I won. Other than the pending nuclear war and nazi’s, life is good. I entered a lottery for a musical online using an app!

I’ll check back in soon. Either this dumb feature on the Internet is over…or I’m back again, clicking my little chumba-heart out!

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The Lethargic Monster Energy Drink Cartoon

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The Tale of Tell-Tail and Tattle-Tail

Tale of Tell Tail and Tattle Tail

Tale of Tell Tail and Tattle Tail

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Chronicles of CreMAYtivity

Hello Fair Reader!

I always say that, but truth be told, I have no idea as to your fairness. You may be fair, you may be unfair, you may pay fares, you get it. It has come to my attention that I boldly declared my devotion to a month of creMAYtivity, in which I do something creMAYtive every day, but…I haven’t posted anything since Friday. So, thought I’d fill you in on some happenings! Who am I kidding, nobody is reading this! Come on nobody, let’s journey through my last five days of creMAYtivity! (is this slogan catching on yet? Hashtag it! #HashtagCreMAYtivity…is that how you hashtag something?)


Sometimes in order to be creMAYtive, you have to MAYliv life! And that’s what I did! Started the afternoon off with a trip to my local theatre, the Arclight! And, I had time to do one of my favorite things in life, go to the 2nd floor bar, grab a drink and look out over all of the people, all the while trying to guess what movie everyone was seeing.

 These people were all seeing The Sixth Sense…and it wasn’t even showing…they were ghosts!

Post people watching, I watched…Guardians of the Galaxy 2. It was out of this world. Get it? Right? Get it? Has anyone picked that low hanging fruit? Get it?

Then, it was off to…Universal Citywalk! HOLY MOLY! This place is…out of this world! Get it? No? Okay then. Listen, Universal Citywalk might be the most magical place in the world. Why? I don’t know, maybe…floating cars in restaurants!

Or, maybe boats in the middle of restaurants!

The point is, if you’re a restaurant, you can put anything in the middle of your establishment, regardless of size, at Universal Citywalk. DREAMS! Also, it’s incredibly weird, and everyone there is weird. One love.

Life lived 1!
Justin 0!
(Wait, that doesn’t make sense)
Justin -1!
(Stop rating me!)


Little bit boring. Worked on a script I’m working on. Here is all you get!

Oh man, what fine writing!

Life lived 2!
Justin – 2!
(How did I get to “-2” but my life is at 2?)


Part of being creative for me, is…well…a lot of failing! I fail a ton. Too much, some would say, and Iiiii, am some! Anyway, I was trying to do a bit with my Instax camera where I took a photo of my camera taking a photo of itself, and I couldn’t make it work. Here is proof of my failure.

Life lived 3!
Justin -7!
(I get it, I failed, I feel ya!)
Justin – 6!
(Did my honesty just get me a +1???)
Justin – 8!
(I’ll shut up)


I had an improv show at iO West. Doesn’t get more creMAYtive than long form improv, am I right?!?! Of course I am!
Life lived 4!
Justin – 4!
(What?!?! I am equal to my life being lived! Also, how weird is this bit? It doesn’t really make sense…who would rate this, why would I rate myself vs my life…I mean, it’s hilarious, but I don’t know)

Wednesday (TONIGHT!)!

I’m writing this! I also started outlining a potential new solo sketch show! Get ready world!

Justin’s life lived – 10!

I DID IT! So, even though I may not publish it online, there’s a ton of creMAYTivity happening right before your little eyeliddy’s.

Stay tuned for more creMAYtivity!

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