Tag Archives: justin j. johnson

Justin’s Hamilton Lott-diary – August 17

Bad news. I didn’t win. Got the word this morning shortly after my first post, didn’t even have the heart to update.

But, I did an Aaliyah. I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and I’m trying again. I mean, I’m writin’ you a four page letter, and I enclosed it with a kiss. THOSE are TWO Aaliyah references, and my hope is that your day makes it to three.

So, how am I feeling about this new entry? Pretty freakin’ solid. I had some cabbage for lunch (WHO DOES THAT) and I think I might have the strength of a million Popeye entries.

I was also recently reading that the Frankenstein dinosaur enigma was solved, so, if that ain’t a sign, I don’t know what is. Here’s to hoping my Thursday post ends with a here ye here ye, I just one ye.

Justin’s Daily Hamilton Lott-diary – August 16th!

Wassup. Remember that? Did frogs say wassup? No, humans did…the frogs did the BUD. WEIS. ER. Who did wassup? If this were a sitcom, the group of humans who did “wassup” would say, “wassup, we did” and then exit frame. Solid. USE THAT HOLLYWOOD.

Anyway, here is an unnecessary daily update on how I’m feeling as I enter the Hamilton lottery for $10 tickets. Why? Because I have to get it out! It’s a roller coaster baby!

Quick history and re-cap.

History! (How appropriate…Hamilton…get it!)

Love Hamilton! Everyone does, don’t they? I do, you do, my wife has no clue but probably will. It’s the best. Did I download the soundtrack and listen over and over again? You betcha! I’m not a goddamn heathen.

BIG FAN! But…me ain’t got the cash to fork over…which is tough. So, what’s a fella to do? I’ll tell ya what? LOTTERY BABY!

Process! (How appropriate…Hamilton…get it! Neither do I)

The Hamilton ticket lottery is so easy! No more going to the Pantages early and waiting, you just gotta download an app baby! You click a button and boom. No more Hollywood Blvd., no more Hollywood Walk of Stars, no more Hollywood almost getting run over when you’re clearly walking across Hollywood Blvd. during the walk sign but some maniac Uber driver isn’t paying attention and you almost die! It’s just an app!

Re-cap! (How app—yeah, I don’t know why I’m trying to keep this going.)

So far I’ve entered three times, and guess what? Lost all three. But, that doesn’t have me down. Chumbawumba-by! (Come on Justin, really!)

So, what’s a boy to do?  ENTER AGAIN!  And let me tell you, that feeling, when you get the text that the lottery is open, ooo boy, does it feel good.  And honestly, I’m feeling good about my chances. ALSO, full disclosure, it’s for a Thursday, and if I bought these sweet baby tickets for four times my rent, I’d buy em for a Thursday.

So, here I am, waiting to see if I won. Other than the pending nuclear war and nazi’s, life is good. I entered a lottery for a musical online using an app!

I’ll check back in soon. Either this dumb feature on the Internet is over…or I’m back again, clicking my little chumba-heart out!

Chronicles of CreMAYtivity

Hello Fair Reader!

I always say that, but truth be told, I have no idea as to your fairness. You may be fair, you may be unfair, you may pay fares, you get it. It has come to my attention that I boldly declared my devotion to a month of creMAYtivity, in which I do something creMAYtive every day, but…I haven’t posted anything since Friday. So, thought I’d fill you in on some happenings! Who am I kidding, nobody is reading this! Come on nobody, let’s journey through my last five days of creMAYtivity! (is this slogan catching on yet? Hashtag it! #HashtagCreMAYtivity…is that how you hashtag something?)

Saturday!

Sometimes in order to be creMAYtive, you have to MAYliv life! And that’s what I did! Started the afternoon off with a trip to my local theatre, the Arclight! And, I had time to do one of my favorite things in life, go to the 2nd floor bar, grab a drink and look out over all of the people, all the while trying to guess what movie everyone was seeing.

 These people were all seeing The Sixth Sense…and it wasn’t even showing…they were ghosts!

Post people watching, I watched…Guardians of the Galaxy 2. It was out of this world. Get it? Right? Get it? Has anyone picked that low hanging fruit? Get it?

Then, it was off to…Universal Citywalk! HOLY MOLY! This place is…out of this world! Get it? No? Okay then. Listen, Universal Citywalk might be the most magical place in the world. Why? I don’t know, maybe…floating cars in restaurants!

Or, maybe boats in the middle of restaurants!

The point is, if you’re a restaurant, you can put anything in the middle of your establishment, regardless of size, at Universal Citywalk. DREAMS! Also, it’s incredibly weird, and everyone there is weird. One love.

Life lived 1!
Justin 0!
(Wait, that doesn’t make sense)
Justin -1!
(Stop rating me!)

Sunday!

Little bit boring. Worked on a script I’m working on. Here is all you get!

Oh man, what fine writing!

Life lived 2!
Justin – 2!
(How did I get to “-2” but my life is at 2?)

Monday!

Part of being creative for me, is…well…a lot of failing! I fail a ton. Too much, some would say, and Iiiii, am some! Anyway, I was trying to do a bit with my Instax camera where I took a photo of my camera taking a photo of itself, and I couldn’t make it work. Here is proof of my failure.

Life lived 3!
Justin -7!
(I get it, I failed, I feel ya!)
Justin – 6!
(Did my honesty just get me a +1???)
Justin – 8!
(I’ll shut up)

Tuesday!

I had an improv show at iO West. Doesn’t get more creMAYtive than long form improv, am I right?!?! Of course I am!
Life lived 4!
Justin – 4!
(What?!?! I am equal to my life being lived! Also, how weird is this bit? It doesn’t really make sense…who would rate this, why would I rate myself vs my life…I mean, it’s hilarious, but I don’t know)

Wednesday (TONIGHT!)!

I’m writing this! I also started outlining a potential new solo sketch show! Get ready world!

Justin’s life lived – 10!

I DID IT! So, even though I may not publish it online, there’s a ton of creMAYTivity happening right before your little eyeliddy’s.

Stay tuned for more creMAYtivity!

Give Justin a House – Suzy Som Episode

Hello Fair Reader!

Though you probably know most everything about me, one thing you may not know about me is that I’m a big architecture nut! What type? Pistachio! HEYYO! Come on, we’re having fun! But honestly, I love buildings and houses and cannot, nor, probably ever will, be able to afford either because…I’m poor.

But, you know what poorness never said? “Don’t beg, plead, and write “blog” articles about how someone should give you a house.” Thusith, allow me to introduce a new feature on this website:

“Justin Proves Why You Should Give Him This House!”

Quick shout out…Curbed! It’s one of my favorites, and probably the source for all of these features.

Today I tackle..the Suzanne Somers home in Palm Springs!

https://la.curbed.com/2017/5/4/15537644/suzanne-somers-palm-springs-compound

First…what the hell! Did anyone guess Suzanne Somers was holed up in a Palm Springs mountain?!?!?!? Oh, also, at this point, you’re probably asking yourself, “who the hell is Suzanne Somers?!” And to this I say…the mom on Step by Step, duh! She also may have been in Three’s Company, and I’m pretty sure she had some workout or something, who knows!?! There’s no way to find out!

Suzanne Somers in Step by Step

Anyway, it’s “located on a 73-acre parcel at the base of the San Jacinto Mountains.” First things first…I don’t know how acres work. I don’t know square feet. I don’t know how many football fields something is. I don’t know size. I think I’m 5 feet 11 inches tall, but I don’t even know what that means! I DO KNOW…73 acres is probably a shit ton of land, and anything that’s at the “base” of a mountain is legit. And guess who is just like Meghan Trainor? Yep, me all about the base! Give me this house, I deserve it!

It’s also “multi-level?” Guess who has been described as having multiple levels? This guy! I’m like that app on your iPhone you can never find when you want to hang pictures…all about dem levels! (I promise this won’t continue…actually, full disclosure…I’m a liar and it probably will. I’m a regular Jim Carrey…Liar Liar!!!!!!)

Did I forget to mention it has multiple guest houses? Guess who loves guests???? Youuuu got it. ME! AND, it has a “rock house.” I saw Central Intelligence, so I’m pretty much the only person who could full appreciate a rock house!

Apparently, it has “eight bedrooms and 10 baths.” Now, here is where you might be thinking, “Justin…why should we give you this house for free? You don’t have 8 people to house, and you definitely don’t know any additional 2 who will just come over to use the bathroom while you’re housing 8 other people, because, why have 2 bathrooms in addition to the 8 associated with unnecessary amount of bedrooms!” First off, your “thinking” is too long, second, mind your business about the amount of bedrooms and bathrooms. Can I name 8 friends right now? No, of course not. Who even has 8 friends!?!? But, don’t you worry, I’ll find some friends and we’ll sleepover the shit out of this (my) new house.

There is also apparently a 5,000-bottle wine cellar…which I will obviously use to store 5,000 bottles of Topo Chico…and a “two room chef’s kitchen…and a formal dining room that seats 32.” Here’s what’s gonna stump me…I don’t even have 8 friends, let alone 32 people to have over for dinner. If you wanna ding me on something, ding me on this. I’ll probably use the dining room to build a kick ass pillow fort!!!

Apparently the grounds also include “multiple waterfalls, ponds, and swimming pools, an outdoor dining pavilion, a covered bar, and an amphitheater carved from rock walls. Holy. Shit. WHO BUILDS THEMSELVES AN AMPITHEATER?!?!? You know what…Ol Suzy Som’s is the ULTIMATE BALLER! A swimming pool, sure? But Suzy brought the Emeril and she brought it hard! (Kicked it up a notch) I bet that pond has a goddamned shark in it!!!!

You know…after really considering it…I don’t think you should give this house to me. I’m not sure what acres are, I don’t have enough friends, and I’m afraid of sharks. This house should be given to Dame Judy Dench. Why? Why the hell not, she’s a Dame! Don’t worry though, I’ll keep looking, so get your house giving shoes on and stay tuned!