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Tag: ucb

Jesus Christ Drives a Mitsubishi Eclipse

January 17

Comedian Justin J. Johnson discusses what the spices of life are, why salt makes you stupid and what it is, mo money mo problems, and Jesus Christ driving a Mitsubishi Eclipse.

Justin Johnson Recordings comedy record, funny, haha, humor, io west, jesus, justin j. johnson, lol, mitsubishi eclipse, podcast, rigor tortoise, sketch comedy, stand-up, ucb

Baby Giraffe’s Love TheJustinJohnsonShow.com/LIVE! at UCB!

January 17

Come on out to UCB on Monday, January 21st at 5:30 PM! http://losangeles.ucbtheatre.com/shows/view/1693

baby giraffe ucb mlk live show justin johnson
baby giraffe ucb mlk live show justin johnson
Justin Johnson Live baby, baby giraffe, cute, cute giraffe, fun, hollywood, improv, io west, justin j. johnson, live comedy, los angeles, mad tv, mlk day events, rigor tortoise, sctv, sketch, snl, stand-up, thejustinjohnsonshow.com/live!, things to do in la on mlk day, ucb

Why Isn’t There a Splash Up Shield for Male Stand-up Urination on Regular Toilets?

January 16

If you haven’t been keeping tabs on all the fun/exciting/amazing things I’m doing, one of them is getting down to business. The business of getting weirdos from Yahoo! Answers to answer my life’s questions! This time I hit them with a hard one! Can they answer? Will they answer? Will you answer? Will I get an answer? Why do I say “answer” so much?

In any case, something about urinals has been bothering me. As you all know, I’m a clean gentleman! And as a clean gentleman, I hate it when stupid urinals try to make me look otherwise! You see, there’s a splash factor that comes into males using normal toilets with the seat up, and I’m determined to find out why we haven’t corrected that as a society. So, to find out, I took to the most reliable source of whackjobs, Yahoo! Answers.

Click on this link to see the actual question and hopefully answer (said it again!): http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Alh7fdkHGSQiBFxujEX1aSDsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20130115135254AA0lreR

If you don’t like links, or just don’t want to click on things, here’s what I asked:

Why Isn’t There a Splash Up Shield for Male Stand-up Urination on Regular Toilets?

Honestly, we’ve come to far as a race, and are too evolved for this to keep happening. When males urinate, there is a certain formula in which the height of the male, plus the speed of the urine, plus the shape of a toilet bowel that makes it impossible to not have some water/urine splash up on the bowl or even on the floor. Why hasn’t a shield or something of the like been invented?!?! OR has something been invented that I’m not aware of?

Why Isn't There A Splash Up Shield For Male Stand-Up Urination on Regular Toilets
Why Isn’t There A Splash Up Shield For Male Stand-Up Urination on Regular Toilets
Justin Johnson's Yahoo! Answers essays, floor, funny, humor, inventions, justin j. johnson, math of peeing, regulart toilets, rigor tortoise, sketch comedy, speed of urine, stand-up, stand-up urination, toilets, ucb, urine, Why Isn't There a Splash Up Shield for Male Stand-up Urination on Regular Toilets?, yahoo answers

Jew Barrymore Live at iO West – 10:30 PM

January 14

Hey There! For those of you who are anxiously awaiting this evening’s LobsterDust show, I have some bad news. It’s not happening! Adam Karell is training for the Olympics, and won’t be able to attend. GOOD NEWS THOUGH! For the first time in over a year, Alexandra Fox will be sharing the stage with me in our two person show, Jew Barrymore! Come on out! It’s totally free and will definitely be a good show!

Jew Barrymore LIVE iO West
Jew Barrymore LIVE iO West
Justin Johnson Live Shows alex fox, drew barrymore, hollywood, hollywood comedy, hollywood improv, humor, jew, jew barrymore, jewish, jon and eddie, justin j. johnson, justin johnson, live improv, los angeles, rigor tortoise, sketch comedy, stand-up, ucb

Awful Salmonella Jokes by Justin J. Johnson

January 11

Listen, sometimes you try and try as hard as you might, to write various salmonella jokes. And you know what? Most times if you’re me, it doesn’t work out. Rather than be shamed by my lack of talent, I figured it’s probably best to just share it with the entire world. Enjoy!

Awful Salmonella Jokes by Justin J. Johnson
Awful Salmonella Jokes by Justin J. Johnson
Justin Johnson Essays bacteria, bacteria jokes, eric andre, funny, funny pictures, haha, humor, justin j. johnson, justin johnson, los angeles, picture, poultry, rigor tortoise, rtcomedy.com, salmonella, salmonella jokes, stand-up, tim and eric, ucb, zach

TheJustinJohnsonShow.com/LIVE! at UCB on January 21st at 5:30 PM

January 10

Hey There! Reserve your seats now for TheJustinJohnsonShow.com/LIVE! at UCB on January 21st at 5:30 PM. Make your reservations now!

http://losangeles.ucbtheatre.com/shows/view/1693

Justin J Johnson UCB MLK Day LIVE SHOW
Justin J Johnson UCB MLK Day LIVE SHOW
Justin Johnson Live Shows comedy tickets, comey events, funny, humor, io west, justin j. johnson, live, live comedy, live events, los angeles, los angeles comedy, martin luther king jr., mlk comedy, mlk day, puppies, puppies wearing hats, puppies with mustaches, rigor tortoise, snl, spank show, ucb, upright citizens brigade

Nature Stand-Up Comedy by Justin J. Johnson

January 8

It’s a new year, so why don’t you get in touch with your nature side by doing stand-up for some trees!

Justin Johnson Videos adult, adult swim, cartoon network, eric andre, fred armisen, hilarious, humor, in the woods, io west, live comedy, live stand-up, nature, portlandia, sketch comedy, snl, stand-up comedy, tim and eric, tree jokes, trees, ucb, youtube

Mr. Olsen’s “A Teacher’s Audio Diary” Entry 1

January 4

Mr. Olsen’s “A Teacher’s Audio Diary.” Principal Smith has instructed Mr. Olsen to keep an audio diary after many encounters with a student, Leif Ericson. Apparently Leif has been playing pranks on Mr. Olsen.

*Warning – Mr. Olsen uses foul language. He’s going through a rough time, so give him a break.

Justin Johnson Recordings characters, comedian, comedy, conan, diary, fallon, humor, jimmy fallon, justin j. johnson, justin johnson, late night, los angeles, mr. olsen, rigor tortoise, rising, sctv, shit, shit apples, sketch comedy, snl, stand-up, teacher, teacher audio entry, teacher's diary, ucb

Spun Into a Wove of Gold

December 26

Justin Johnson Recordings a new character for Google, adult swim, and what's best to order at Chipotle., best at chipotle, chipotle, comedian, funny, hilarious, hollywood, io west, justin j. johnson, los angeles, pocast, post Christmas Christmas Tree lots, puddles, recordings, rigor tortoise, sketch comedy, stand-up, the rejected version of Christmas Time is Here, tim and eric, ucb, what's best to order at chipotle, woves

The Angry Wreath (Wreath vs. Reef) by Justin J. Johnson

December 19
The Angry Wreath by Justin J. Johnson (Wreath vs. Reef)
The Angry Wreath by Justin J. Johnson (Wreath vs. Reef)
Justin Johnson Cartoons adult swim, cartoon, cartoon network, christmas, christmas cartoon, christmas reef, christmas wreath, conan, funny, holiday, holiday cartoon, io west, judd apatow, justin j. johnson, reef vs. wreath, rigor tortoise, sketch comedy, stand-up, ucb, wreath

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