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Tag: omg

Green M&M Assaulted: Star Allegedly Attacked In New York City Hotel Room

October 2

I, like most people, hate the world of celebrity gossip. In fact, I wish our society was more obsessed with other ridiculous things like mermaids, or monsters, or let’s say those weird, real life M&M’s. So, I’ve taken a recently published article that deals with celebrity gossip, and replaced it with real life M&M’s. Because, let’s face it…that’s more interesting, isn’t it?

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Green M&M Assaulted: Star Allegedly Attacked In New York City Hotel Room

Green M&M Assaulted: Star Allegedly Attacked In New York City Hotel Room
Green M&M Assaulted: Star Allegedly Attacked In New York City Hotel Room

Green M&M was assaulted in the New York City hotel room where she was staying Sunday morning, by a man she met at Chelsea nightclub 1 Oak, WNBC reports.

Law enforcement officials told WNBC that the “M&M” star began arguing with an unknown M&M, later identified as Mars Brand resident Pretzel M&M, over photographs he took of Green M&M with his cellphone that she wished to delete. The altercation took place in Green M&M’s 15th floor room at the Union Square W Hotel in Manhattan, while a few of Green M&M’s friends were present.

Green M&M reportedly told police that when she confronted Pretzel M&M about the photos and confiscated his phone at approximately 4:30 a.m., Pretzel M&M responded by throwing her on the bed, leaving scratches on her hands.

Sources told TMZ that Green M&M ran out of the room, and Green M&M claims when she later returned, Pretzel M&M choked her, then threw her on the ground and climbed on top of her.

TMZ’s sources say that one of Green M&M friends was able to pull the man away. Green M&M then pulled the fire alarm to call for help. Cops arrived at the hotel and arrested Pretzel M&M on two misdemeanor counts of assault and two charges of harassment.

The M&M’s father, Mr. Mars told the New York Daily News that he has not been able to reach Green M&M. As for Pretzel M&M, he says, “Wait ’til I get this guy.”

This is only the latest incident in what is turning out to be a stressful month for Green M&M. Less than two weeks ago, she was arrested in NYC after allegedly tapping a pedestrian with her Porsche and fleeing the scene. And just last week, she was hospitalized for an asthma-related issue after a weekend of partying.

Here is the real article if you’re into it:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/30/lindsay-lohan-assaulted_n_1927094.html?ir=Celebrity

Justin Johnson Essays celebrity, cute, funny, gossip, green, green M&M, haha, justin j. johnson, lindsay lohan, lol, M&M, new york daily news, omg, pretzel M&M, rigor tortoise, tmz

Here Comes The Boom, Kevin James Saving The World

September 27

Comedian Justin J. Johnson discusses just how Kevin James might be able to save us all…including, the world.

Justin Johnson Recordings cage fighting, comedian, comedy, funny, haha, here comes the boom, justin j. johnson, kevin james, lol, omg, review, rigor tortoise, salma hayek, save the world, teacher, world

Rigor Tortoise at the Denver Improv Festival!

September 25

Rigor Tortoise is venturing out to the lovely city of Denver! Personally, it’s my first trip to Denver and I’m ready to Sal Paradise the shit out of the city!

Rigor Tortoise at the Denver Improv Festival
Rigor Tortoise at the Denver Improv Festival
Justin Johnson Live Shows denver, denver improv festival, funny, haha, improv, justin j. johnson, lol, omg, rigor tortoise, rigor tortoise live

Identity Theft Is Weird – The Justin Johnson Show

September 25

What are these? What am I doing? Who even knows, quit asking questions, strap yourself up and listen!

Justin Johnson Recordings audio, funny, glass ceilings, haha, identity theft, improv, io west, justin j. johnson, omg, podcast, recordings, rigor tortoise, sketch, snl, stand-up, the justin johnson show, ucb, young comedians

Wind Chim (er) Inner

September 13
New Cartoon by Justin J. Johnson
Wind Chime (er) Inner by Justin J. Johnson
Justin Johnson Cartoons cartoon, comedian, comedy, cute, funny, haha, justin j. johnson, los angeles, omg, rigor tortoise, saturday night live, snl, wind chime, wind chime (er) inner

Punctuation Humor Comma That’s Not Funny Period

August 8

As is the case with most, sometimes I get stuck on an idea and write too many things about it. Then rather than tuck that away into oblivion…wait, can you tuck something into oblivion? Seems pretty involved. Regardless, rather than tuck it in…that’s what he said…I put it out there, that’s what he said. So hold on to your butts, and get ready to groan at a series of comma ideas I’ve been playing with.

Comma Jokes by Justin J. Johnson
Comma Jokes by Justin J. Johnson
Justin Johnson Cartoons bears, comma, comma jokes, haha, humor, justin j. johnson, lol, los angeles, omg, pause, paws, punctuation jokes, rigor tortoise

A Dead Heat

August 7

Justin Johnson Cartoons a dead heat, cartoon, dead heat, funny, haha, justin j. johnson, omg, rigor tortoise, the campaign

Indie Rock Trading Deadline

August 1

Listen reader, if you’re reading this I’m betting you don’t know where you’re at. Perhaps you were searching for knit rugs and somehow got here, but I’m A) not judging you, and B) not going to try to figure out what miracle happened to lead you here. That said, I’ve got about 3 followers on Twitter, despite the fact that I’m lighting it up constantly like I’m Clark Griswold! (note to self: add that phrase as a lyric to my rap cd I’m working on). In any case, yesterday all of my worlds collided and #IndieRockTradingDeadline was trending on Twitter. And get this, two of my Indie Rock Trading Deadline tweets were featured on PasteMagazine.com. Don’t believe ME?!?! Check yourself fool! AND, check this out!

http://www.pastemagazine.com/blogs/1000words/2012/07/20-great-indierocktradedeadline-tweets.html

Justin Johnson Essays #indierocktradingdeadline, ben gibbard, funny, haha, indie rock, indie rock trading deadline, justin j. johnson, lol, omg, paste magazine, rigor tortoise, tweets, twitter

Harsh My Mallow

July 25

New cartoon…

Harsh My Mallow Cartoon

Justin Johnson Cartoons cartoons, cute, funny, haha, harsh my mallow, harsh my mellow, justin j. johnson, lol, mallow, marshmallow, mellow, omg, rigor tortoise

Concentrated Light Information Technology

July 10

The latest from Rigor Tortoise, “Concentrated Light Information Technology.”

Justin Johnson Videos clit, concentrated light information technology, funny, haha, justin j. johnson, lol, omg, rigor tortoise, vagina

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