lindsay lohan | the justin johnson show

BASEBALL SEASON IS HERE! Am I watching every pre-season game out there? Of course I am! Don’t question my loyalty to baseball! We’re half way through pre-season, starters are playing more innings, and all is right with the world. And when things are going right, and I feel super happy and positive, there’s a certain need GET REAL, and bring myself to tears. And when you need tears, why not listen to one of the most beautiful speeches in life, Lou Gehrig’s, “Farewell to Baseball Address.” It’s like cutting onions in my eyes with the amount of tears I shed every time I hear it. Thus, for my very own enjoyment (and probably nobody else’s), and to help me get through it, I have “optimized it” with the hottest Google keywords of today, March 14, 2014. Grab a tissue, and read on…PLAY BALL!

Lou Gehrig Speech - Google Keywords — Lou Gehrig Speech – Google Keywords

Fans, for the past two weeks you have been reading about LINDSAY LOHAN. Yet today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the ANDAMAN ISLANDS. I have been with the WALL STREET JOURNAL for seventeen years and have never received anything but STEAM from you fans.

Look at ROONEY MARA. Which of you wouldn’t consider it the highlight of his career to associate with her for even one day?

Sure, I’m lucky. Who wouldn’t consider it an honor to have known FLOYD MAYWEATHER – also the builder of baseball’s greatest empire, DARREN SPROLES – to have spent the next nine years with that wonderful little fellow BRANDON BROWNER – then to have spent the next nine years with that outstanding leader of the BIG TEN TOURNAMENT, that smart student of psychology – the best manager in baseball today, CHUMLEE!

Sure, I’m lucky. When AMERICAN IDOL, a team you would give your right arm to beat, and vice versa, sends you a gift, that’s TESLA! When everybody down to the ERICK DECKER and those boys in white coats remember you with PI, that’s something.

When you have a wonderful 2015 AUDI A3, who takes sides with you in squabbles against MARIA MENOUNOS, that’s something. When you have DRAKE and ELIZABETH OLSEN who work all their lives so that you can have a ALLERGY RELIEF and build your body, it’s a CALIFORNIA EARTHQUAKE! When you have JUSTIN BIEBER who has been DIVERGENT and shown more courage than you dreamed existed, that’s a JAPAN EARTHQUAKE.

So I close in saying that I might have had a tough break – but I have EGGS!

I, like most people, hate the world of celebrity gossip. In fact, I wish our society was more obsessed with other ridiculous things like mermaids, or monsters, or let’s say those weird, real life M&M’s. So, I’ve taken a recently published article that deals with celebrity gossip, and replaced it with real life M&M’s. Because, let’s face it…that’s more interesting, isn’t it?

—–
Green M&M Assaulted: Star Allegedly Attacked In New York City Hotel Room

Green M&M was assaulted in the New York City hotel room where she was staying Sunday morning, by a man she met at Chelsea nightclub 1 Oak, WNBC reports.

Law enforcement officials told WNBC that the “M&M” star began arguing with an unknown M&M, later identified as Mars Brand resident Pretzel M&M, over photographs he took of Green M&M with his cellphone that she wished to delete. The altercation took place in Green M&M’s 15th floor room at the Union Square W Hotel in Manhattan, while a few of Green M&M’s friends were present.

Green M&M reportedly told police that when she confronted Pretzel M&M about the photos and confiscated his phone at approximately 4:30 a.m., Pretzel M&M responded by throwing her on the bed, leaving scratches on her hands.

Sources told TMZ that Green M&M ran out of the room, and Green M&M claims when she later returned, Pretzel M&M choked her, then threw her on the ground and climbed on top of her.

TMZ’s sources say that one of Green M&M friends was able to pull the man away. Green M&M then pulled the fire alarm to call for help. Cops arrived at the hotel and arrested Pretzel M&M on two misdemeanor counts of assault and two charges of harassment.

The M&M’s father, Mr. Mars told the New York Daily News that he has not been able to reach Green M&M. As for Pretzel M&M, he says, “Wait ’til I get this guy.”

This is only the latest incident in what is turning out to be a stressful month for Green M&M. Less than two weeks ago, she was arrested in NYC after allegedly tapping a pedestrian with her Porsche and fleeing the scene. And just last week, she was hospitalized for an asthma-related issue after a weekend of partying.

Here is the real article if you’re into it:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/30/lindsay-lohan-assaulted_n_1927094.html?ir=Celebrity

the justin johnson show

Tag: lindsay lohan

Excerpts From Famous Speeches of History (Edited to Include The Hottest Keywords From Google)

Green M&M Assaulted: Star Allegedly Attacked In New York City Hotel Room