Sometimes you have to let go, and let e-mail take control of your life.
And in this case either
A) I think my agent has me incorrectly listed.
OR
B) I’m a plump dwarf.
Imma go with B!
ALSO, to prove my worth…that’s an e-mail from the President asking ME for help. Worry not nation, I’m here with helping plump dwarf hands.
Hey Biebs, Beebs, or Beibs,
Firstly I don’t know how to spell it, and you need to calm down already because if you think for a second I’m gonna Google it, you’re dead wrong, you jerk!
Secondly quit whispering about girlfriends and answer my e-mail! It’s been 3 weeks now, and I e-mailed you directly to what I assume is your Gmail address, justinbieber@gmail.com, and you’re not answering! I need answers Bleib! And I need them now!
The above is my e-mail, look familiar Bieber?!
Ever sense you tried to be me…and by the way, get real there leibs, you’ll never be me, so keep dreabing…I’ve had the cops thinking I’m being chased by the Papparazzi and they’re tailing my every move to ensure I’m “safe.” Well guess what Leave it to Bleiber, having cops around you all the time, isn’t exactly a trip to the funzone!
Thus far you have…
A) Tried to be me, which is sick! QUIT SINGLE WHITE FEMAILING ME!
B) Ruined my life, which is now a permanent low speed, no laws being broken, police chase.
Andddd…
C) I don’t know what “C” is yet, but if you don’t aplogize, I’m sure it will be awful so quit being a jerk!
Honestly, the new album is dope.
Sincerely,
The REAL Justin Johnson!