Comedian Justin J. Johnson makes gross noises, sinus problems, new iPhones, breaking it to you, breaking it down, being below average, sneezing, and lovely attire.
Cupid and his fat baby body and arrows are almost upon us…that’s right, Valentine’s Day is a week away! I know you’re worried, but take a break from thinking about that fat body baby shooting you with love, and watch this Russian classic: Crimes of Passion.
Comedian Justin J. Johnson discusses what the spices of life are, why salt makes you stupid and what it is, mo money mo problems, and Jesus Christ driving a Mitsubishi Eclipse.
If you haven’t been keeping tabs on all the fun/exciting/amazing things I’m doing, one of them is getting down to business. The business of getting weirdos from Yahoo! Answers to answer my life’s questions! This time I hit them with a hard one! Can they answer? Will they answer? Will you answer? Will I get an answer? Why do I say “answer” so much?
In any case, something about urinals has been bothering me. As you all know, I’m a clean gentleman! And as a clean gentleman, I hate it when stupid urinals try to make me look otherwise! You see, there’s a splash factor that comes into males using normal toilets with the seat up, and I’m determined to find out why we haven’t corrected that as a society. So, to find out, I took to the most reliable source of whackjobs, Yahoo! Answers.
Click on this link to see the actual question and hopefully answer (said it again!): http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Alh7fdkHGSQiBFxujEX1aSDsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20130115135254AA0lreR
If you don’t like links, or just don’t want to click on things, here’s what I asked:
Why Isn’t There a Splash Up Shield for Male Stand-up Urination on Regular Toilets?
Honestly, we’ve come to far as a race, and are too evolved for this to keep happening. When males urinate, there is a certain formula in which the height of the male, plus the speed of the urine, plus the shape of a toilet bowel that makes it impossible to not have some water/urine splash up on the bowl or even on the floor. Why hasn’t a shield or something of the like been invented?!?! OR has something been invented that I’m not aware of?
Why Isn’t There A Splash Up Shield For Male Stand-Up Urination on Regular Toilets
Hey There! For those of you who are anxiously awaiting this evening’s LobsterDust show, I have some bad news. It’s not happening! Adam Karell is training for the Olympics, and won’t be able to attend. GOOD NEWS THOUGH! For the first time in over a year, Alexandra Fox will be sharing the stage with me in our two person show, Jew Barrymore! Come on out! It’s totally free and will definitely be a good show!
Listen, sometimes you try and try as hard as you might, to write various salmonella jokes. And you know what? Most times if you’re me, it doesn’t work out. Rather than be shamed by my lack of talent, I figured it’s probably best to just share it with the entire world. Enjoy!
