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Tag: justin j. johnson

Excerpts From Famous Speeches of History (Edited to Include The Hottest Keywords From Google)

May 16

Check this out, Douglas MacArthur was a showman fo sho! Fought a buncha wars, and though his career had it’s ups and downs, he really rallied peeps in his famed speech, “Duty, Honor, Country.” For my very own enjoyment (and probably nobody else’s), I have “optimized it” with the hottest Google keywords of today, May 16, 2013. Grab a tissue, and read on…

Douglas MacArthur
Douglas MacArthur

You are the Plumbers which bind together the entire fabric of Amy’s Baking Company. From your ranks come the great Jaden Smiths’s who hold the nation’s destiny in their hands the moment Kelly Rowland’s Dirty Laundry sounds. Robin Thicke has never failed us. Were you to do so, a million David Beckham’s, in brown khaki, in blue and gray, would rise from the Miami Heat, thundering those magic words: Duty, Honor, Country.

This does not mean that you are Warriors.

On the contrary, Blackhawks, above all other people, prays for peace, for he must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of American Idol

But always in our ears ring the ominous words of Angelina Jolie, that wisest of all philosophers: “Only the dead have seen the end of war.”

The shadows are lengthening for Jodi Arias. Abercrombie and Fitch is here. My days of Google Io have vanished, tone and tint. They have gone glimmering through the Star Trek that were. Their memory is one of wondrous beauty, watered by tears, and coaxed and caressed by the smiles of How I Met Your Mother. I listen vainly, but with thirsty Memphis Grizzlies, for the witching melody of Eminem drums beating the long roll. In my dreams I hear again the crash of Powerball, the rattle of musketry, the strange, mournful mutter of the Rolando McClain

But in the evening of my memory, always I come back to Daft Punk.

Always there echoes and re-echoes: Duty, Honor, Country.

Famous Speeches with Google Trends American Idol, Angelina Jolie, David Beckham, Douglas MacArthur, Duty Honor Country, funny, humor, Jaden Smith, justin j. johnson, Kelly Rowland, Plumber, powerball, rigor tortoise, Robin Thicke, satire

How To Boil An Egg

May 15

Sometimes you need a little help boiling eggs. Allow me to assist you.

Justin Johnson Videos absurd, boil an egg, boiled egg, burned hand, deviled eggs, how to, how to boil an egg, humor, instructions, justin j. johnson, rigor tortoise, sctv, sketch comedy, snl, weird

Brand New Zine: Tips To Getting Over Your Love Affair With Helen Hunt and a Guide To Summer Fashion

May 10

Hey Pals! I have a new zine I’ll be handing out across the world. In the off chance you don’t see me in person and I hand you one, you can e-mail thejustinjohnsonshow(at)gmail(dot)com and I’ll send you one! Keep it real bros.

Tips To Getting Over Your Love Affair With Helen Hunt and a Guide To Summer Fashion
Tips To Getting Over Your Love Affair With Helen Hunt and a Guide To Summer Fashion
Justin Johnson News adult swim, comedy, helen hunt, justin j. johnson, mad about you, rigor tortoise, summer fashion, Tips To Getting Over Your Love Affair With Helen Hunt and a Guide To Summer Fashion, twister, zine

Sally Field Monologues

May 1

Don’t not tell me I’m the best Sally Field monologist.

Justin J. Johnson Vine absurd, comedy, creepy, dramatic, haha, humor, justin j. johnson, lol, monologist, monologue, not without my son, omg, rigor tortoise, sally field, sigur ros, weird

Tabasco Buffalo Hot Sauce Review: FLAVOR EXPLOSION!

April 30

Justin Johnson Recordings buffalo sauce, flavor explosion, hot sauce, humor, justin j. johnson, podcast, rigor tortoise, sounds, tabasco, tabasco buffalo hot sauce

Bird House Cartoon

April 29
Bird House Sitting - Cartoon - Justin J. Johnson
Bird House Sitting – Cartoon – Justin J. Johnson
Justin Johnson Cartoons adult swim, bird house, bird house sitting, bird house sitting cartoon, birds, cartoon network, haha, house sitting, humor, justin j. johnson, lol, omg, rigor tortoise, sketch comedy

The Most Emotional Sketch Ever Made in Sketch Comedy

April 26

It’s Friday, so let’s face it, you’re emotional. Enjoy this, the most emotional sketch ever made in sketch comedy. Doesn’t really get more emotional than this.

Justin J. Johnson Friday Share crying, emotional sketch, funny, gallagher, humor, jash, justin j. johnson, los angeles, onions, rigor tortoise, sketch comedy, stand-up, the lion king, war, youtube

Haunted by a Native American Ghost

April 25

I was recently haunted and had an encounter with a Native American Ghost. Please see below…

First, I found out I was being haunted…

Then, I found proof…

And finally I accidentally got him with his bow and arrow…

Justin J. Johnson Vine absurd, bow and arrow, comedy, funny, ghost, humor, indian ghost, jash, justin j. johnson, native american, native american ghost, rigor tortoise

The Aggressive Tobacco Shop – Cartoon

April 23

New cartoon, “The Aggressive Tobacco Shop.”

The Aggressive Tobacco Shop by Justin J. Johnson (Cartoon)
The Aggressive Tobacco Shop by Justin J. Johnson (Cartoon)
Justin Johnson Cartoons aggressive tobacco, cartoon, funny cartoons, haha, humor, jash, justin j. johnson, lol, put that in your pipe and smoke it, rigor tortoise, snl, tobacco, tobacco shop

My New Half Hour – Two 4 One

April 17

Fun show this Sunday, “My New Half Hour” at iO West at 8:30 PM:

http://ioimprov.com/west/io/shows/my-new-half-hour

And get this, print the below to get two tickets for the price of one! Thus, bring a friend, and the show costs $2.50! UNREAL!

Sister Sister - My New Half Hour - 2 for 1
Sister Sister – My New Half Hour – 2 for 1
Justin Johnson Live best of la, comedy, hollywood, humor, improv comedy, io west, jash, justin j. johnson, live, los angeles, meltdown, nerdist, reggie watts, rigor tortoise, sketch comedy, snl, stand-up comedy, ucb

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