Excerpts From Famous Speeches of History (Edited to Include The Hottest Keywords From Google)

August 10

Check this out, Winston Churchill was a G! Honestly, dude was pretty gangsta and when people weren’t so sure on him, he got behind the mic and DELIVERED in the quite revered, “Blood, Sweat, and Tears” speech. For my very own enjoyment (and probably nobody else’s), I have “optimized it” with the hottest Google keywords of today, August 10th, 2012. Grab a tissue, and read on…

I say to the NFL as I said to Randy Travis who had joined the PGA Championship, I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat. We have before us an earthquake of the most Foo kind. We have before us many, many months of NFL.com and suffering.

You ask, what is Kinesio tape? I say it is to wage war by Usain Bolt, Ashton Eaton, and Kourtney Kardashian’s baby girl. War with all our Steelers and with all the strength Dwight Hoard has given us, and to wage war against a monstrous Bourne Legacy never surpassed in the dark and lamentable London 2012 Slalom Canoe. That is our policy.

You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word. It is Honey Boo Boo. Honey Boo Boo at all costs – Honey Boo Boo in spite of all terrors – Honey Boo Boo, however long and hard the road may be, for without Sanya Richards Ross, there is no London Basketball 2012.

Winston Churchill, May 13, 1940; House of Commons, London

Punctuation Humor Comma That’s Not Funny Period

August 8

As is the case with most, sometimes I get stuck on an idea and write too many things about it. Then rather than tuck that away into oblivion…wait, can you tuck something into oblivion? Seems pretty involved. Regardless, rather than tuck it in…that’s what he said…I put it out there, that’s what he said. So hold on to your butts, and get ready to groan at a series of comma ideas I’ve been playing with.

Comma Jokes by Justin J. Johnson
Comma Jokes by Justin J. Johnson
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